missgaga's Blog

OMG OMG OMG!!!!!! I ran into my ex high school love today!!! I haven’t seen her for a year or so!
That’s SO WEIRD because I was just writing about her yesterday!

It was the most awkward situation ever! I was at a restaurant having lunch with my friend, and my bad luck made me sit on a table facing the door!!! I was in the middle of a conversation with my friend as we were waiting for our order to be ready, when suddenly I saw her entering and she was with a friend who I didn’t recognize.

My first reaction was, “without even thinking”  I dropped my fork with my elbow in order to go down and get it (Hhhhh I KNOW I’M STUPID) so she won’t notice me and I won’t have to deal with her, I spent good time getting my fork hhhhhh and I so wanted to hide under the table ( I remembered the scene from how I met your mother when ted hides under the table to not deal with his ex LOL) but I had to go up at the end!!! She had already sat on some table in front of us with her back facing us, but apparently she noticed me when she first entered (I guess my reaction wasn’t quick enough LOL) as she turned and smiled at me, I prayed to God, please God pleeeese don’t let her come and say hi lol and thank God she didn’t!!

But the problem is at the end, I did the stupidest thing ever, first let me continue then we will get to that!

Of course our order came before hers so we were done before her but I didn’t want to leave as I’ll have to pass by her table in order to get to the door, so I was like let’s order dessert, my friend since when you like desserts?!!! and didn’t we already agree that we will eat cinnabon afterwards!  Me: pleeeeeease I hear the sweets here are really good LOL! At the end I got het to order, as I ate slowly lol!

Then FINALLY my ex decided to leave so she paid, and the minute she did I asked for my receipt as well ,as my friend was starting to lose her patience lol, but I should have waited more  because what I didn’t expect is that when my ex saw me also leaving she waited for me outside by the door!!!!

Now any normal human being would just deal with it and say hi!!! NOOOO but not me, I have to act that stupid, I got up while checking my phone (pretending), I looked the other way and I passed by her and didn’t even say hi, or look in her face!! Can you imagine that she was almost standing next to me and I didn’t bother to say hi, that was completely stupid and rude!!! she waited for me, and I totally ignored her , I bet she is upset with me now But really I swear I didn’t mean to disrespect her or anything, all the matter is that when I get confused or stressed I act without thinking, and I do weird things! Ugh :/

Tomorrow is my birthday, or after 2 hours I’ll turn 21!!!

I feel so bad about my life; I don’t even want a birthday cake or anything!! But another thing I feel disappointed because of my negative feelings! Because I’ll never ever get another 21st birthday, this one should be special to me, I don’t want to waste it, I don’t want to be miserable in it because I don’t want to regret that later when I’m much older, and look back and say oh I wasted it!

But I can’t get myself to be excited, everything in my life sucks at the moment!
Too many problems, everything is complicated in my life! My everyday is something so boring, is a killing routine, I swear I go through everyday just to be done with it, not to live it!

I just feel that my life is going to waste and it kinda scares me to have my birthday because I feel that years are running are coming and are going and I’m still the same miserable person, I feel like my 20th birthday was only yesterday, and I remember how I hoped at it to have a good year, and how I was kind of optimistic, but now after having the year passed I can see that my wish and my hope didn’t come true, I’m just tired, but I can do nothing but hopping that my next year will be a better year, though the signs and the start is not really encouraging.

I’m an occasional smoker, even occasional smoker doesn’t seem right because I stopped smoking.

The thing is that at college I would smoke with my friends just for fun, I was blessed with not liking its taste so I didn’t get addicted to it even though we smoked for a good time!

Any way I stopped smoking as I didn’t find it interesting, but I’ve had some packs in my closet I just didn’t finish them and forgot to throw them away, because no one touches my stuff, or no one dares to snoop through them loolz :p

So today I was chatting with my mum, she was talking about my nephew, I was nodding my head smiling until she said then he opened your closet to take that chocolate, I directly remembered the cigarette packs so I was like: MY CLOSET?

My mum doesn’t know that I was smoking, and the problem is that she is SO against smoking; she keeps talking about it and says those idiot smokers and I say: YES IDIOTS, THEY HAVE NO BRAIN, WHAT ARE THEY THINKING?! hahah! :P I just keep on agreeing lool :P So you can imagine her reaction if she knew

But thank God she didn’t, then I got rid of the packs, I thought of taking one cigarette but I’ve had them for a long time, so probably it would taste worse than it already does lol!

The learned lesson is: when you stop smoking and your mum doesn’t know, throw the packs AWAY!